Super Fantastic Nothings or Somethings

 I have to process what happened since everything was going right and then crashed, burned, and has to be rebuilt.  We could start from the very beginning but I would never finish. Let’s start from what’s fresh in the brains trauma factory.  I spent many days in the hospital last month surviving, trying to do everything in my power to stay alive. I have friends, family, and my husband and children who need me. I saw all of those people as a purpose to fight. They are worthy of winning the hardest battles. The only person I was actually saving, was myself. I didn’t think about that person. The one I wake up with every day, the only person that knows me and what I’m thinking and feeling in the darkest depths of my soul. I have to survive so I can learn to live, live with myself. Love myself, continue to work on myself. Evolve myself, if I can do that, I’m teaching those I love and survey for how to do the same. So? I wrote down 4 words.. Process. Create. Save. Learn.  ...

Hi. Welcome back, lets pick up from where we last left off. The timeline leading here is ummm... a lot of dumpster fires... /but here we are. IT'S FINE. a little update on the good bad and UGLY-2022. I had a boy named George Wolfgang. He is 5 and ginger.  I have a kid named Ace, they are 10 and my life guide.  Mary is a  freshman at Ohio State majoring in Psychology and dating a lil sailor.  Jane, my baby jane is 15, desperate to drive a manual shift car, she has MS, had brain surgery and is so smart. Donald Trump was the president.  We are 2 years deep in a global pandemic.  I have lost countless people I love figuratively and literally.  My family lost everything in a fire on Mothers day 2021.  I am recovering from Covid pneumonia and have 5 nodules on my lungs. TBD But, I found myself again. Lets call her Willow. She's my inner child and my heart.  Get ready, because here I come.

phoe·nix ˈfēniks/ noun (in classical mythology) a unique bird that lived for five or six centuries in the Arabian desert, after this time burning itself on a funeral pyre and rising from the ashes with renewed youth to live through another cycle. a person or thing regarded as uniquely remarkable in some respect. **copied and pasted from Google** Last Thursday, Mary was accepted to Phoenix Middle School!! The second definition of the word Phoenix describes her perfectly and when I wrote about her on the application to the school, I used the same words to describe her but I never knew she was a Phoenix. She is definitely going to the right Middle School!!  Our family is so proud of her and looking forward to her experiences.

My mom has always said she likes to find the good in people, similar to Pollyanna. Whether she likes it or not, it's not always a good quality to have. She always told me I wear my heart on my sleeve, another quality that isn't always a good one. Seems pretty negative to disagree with her wanting to find the good or people or loving everyone regardless of their actions but let me finish. She recently learned that it is sometimes hard or impossible to find the good in people, including the ones she loves...like ALOT.  She and a few others recently dealt with a pretty heavy situation involving people they love and the outcome wasn't pretty. It was quite ugly! Not the first time my family has dealt with some ugly situations but it affected someone that has NEVER  put herself first and always done what is right regardless of the situation. Back to my point I am trying to make..when someone lives their life always finding the good and overlooking the truth behind the good..it ca...